in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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