Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
