Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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