So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
