I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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