I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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