I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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