Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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