at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
