I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
