Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
