Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
