Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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