whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
