Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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