I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
