Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
