also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
