Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
