Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
