And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
