so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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