Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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