I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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