Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize