I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
