I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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