do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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