I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
