You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
