so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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