Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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