the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
