this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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