apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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