I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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