you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
