Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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