party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
