You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
