According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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