Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
