Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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