my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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