i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
