He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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