Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
