What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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