She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
