Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
