Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Two words: blizzard sex
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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