I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she told me i tasted like america
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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