Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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