my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
