My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
never play flip cup with pint glasses
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
