Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
