So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
