i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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