Your tits are I can't wait for
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
