Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
