Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I enjoy the company of your penis
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
