My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
