well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
