but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
