You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
