Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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