How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
