note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
