Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
