i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You made out with two different species that night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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