Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
